Everyone remembers the first employee they fired. An already miserable experience is made worse by having no idea what we were doing. When you see people fired in shows or hear the process described, it makes perfect sense, but when it’s staring you in the face it can be incredibly daunting. What are you supposed to say? Is it choreographed? Who’s supposed to be in the room?
These are the messiest conversations managers can have, and we make the situation far worse (and contribute to our own misery) by underestimating how awful it can feel for these conversations to go poorly. It’s important to have tools that can help you get through the experience successfully.
Know what you’re going to say
Rookie managers make the mistake of entering these conversations with little to no actual planning. The core parts of a termination conversation are: what is happening (“we’re letting you go from the company”) and why it’s happening (“because you’ve had repeated unexcused absences”).
Too often, managers wing it, knowing the gist of what they want to say but skipping the details. Someone isn’t being fired for “a bunch of things”, they’re being fired for specific, documented behaviors that you need to have outlined and available as examples.
Take 5 minutes to simply write down what you want to say. Write out the “what” and “why” and rehearse until you’re comfortable. You don’t need to memorize but you do need to be familiar enough to remember the key points. By having a basic script, you’ll stay more on message and avoid stuttering and stumbling your way through the important part of the conversation.
It’s not a dialogue
Regardless of how bad you feel, do not try to persuade the employee that they should agree with what’s happening. As compassionate leaders, we would feel better if the employee could “only see it our way” and “see that it’s really for the best”. This never happens.
I’ve never met an employee that’s said: “You’re right, I deserve to have this embarrassing thing happen to me, what really matters is the friends we made along the way”. What is going to happen is they’re going to tell you that you have your facts wrong, or that they’ve been mistreated, or that the company is biased against them, or any other combination of things. Do not get baited into a debate.
Regardless of what the other person might say, don’t forget that the outcome was already decided when you walked into the room. A termination conversation is not a dialogue. The purpose of the conversation is to inform someone that something is happening. You should never let an employee talk or bargain their way out of being fired.
Cut off the conversation after 5 minutes
After you’ve given the “what” and the “why”, give the person a chance to ask relevant questions that explain the logistics of what will happen next (the last paycheck, collecting their belongings, turning in company property, etc.). If you feel the conversation threatening to drag on, or the other person trying to bargain with you again, cut it off. Here’s an easy script:
“I don’t expect you to agree with what’s happening, but nothing you say right now is going to change the outcome. Let’s try to make this as easy as possible so we can all move on.”
It sounds harsh, I admit, but a prolonged back and forth isn’t going to help anyone.
Let’s face it. Even if you’re 100% prepared for this conversation, it’s going to suck. Regardless of how much the employee “deserves it”, when you’re in the room with someone and putting their livelihood at risk, it’s an awful feeling. Only a sociopath wouldn’t feel bad letting someone go.
Remember, your job is to make it as painless as possible for all parties. By remembering to do 5 minutes of preparation and keep the conversation under 5 minutes, you’re going to ensure that everyone preserves their dignity and can move on with their lives. These conversations won’t stop being difficult, but by following these guidelines you can at least make them more bearable.
Have any other best practices for these kinds of conversations? I’d love to hear them. Message me on Twitter or send me an email. Seeing results from my advice? Consider sharing this post with someone who could benefit. Good luck out there.
-Patrick