Every day, many people head into work feeling like fakes – anxious about their age, lack of experience, or that stupid thing they said yesterday. They give too much credence to that internal voice that says “you’re hopeless, why do you even try?” Sure, they know it’s irrational, but that doesn’t make it any better.
For every leader, the hardest person to lead is yourself. If you let your insecurities and self-doubts control you, you’ll never get the respect or credibility you deserve. You’ll constantly undermine progress by worrying “do I sound dumb” or “should I say that” or “I wonder when they’ll figure out I don’t belong here.” Getting past this feeling means understanding where this self-doubt comes from, learning to cope with it, and believing that, despite your imperfections, you have something meaningful to contribute.
Understand where that feeling is coming from
Feeling uncomfortable in your skin is completely natural when you’re a novice leader, especially if you’re young. It’s the same discomfort that comes from learning a new sport, instrument, or hobby. If you’ve never had a position in the spotlight before, you’ll feel uncertain about this new experience and the expectations that come with it, especially without a point of reference.
Don’t run away from this discomfort. Acknowledge its presence and that it’s normal and expected. You’re doing something that doesn’t feel natural to you yet. The feeling of inadequacy fades with time and experience. Keep moving forward. Focus on what you were put in this position to accomplish. Success won’t come overnight – getting good at anything takes time and practice – but give yourself grace on the bumpy first steps.
Use the skills you have today
You were put in this position for a reason. No one randomly picked your name out of a hat and said “they’ll do fine”. Some part of yourself – some skill or trait that others don’t have – is the reason that you were given this opportunity. Do you have limitations and things that you can’t do? Sure. You and everybody else. Focus on what you can do. No one walks into a job interview with a list of everything they’re bad at. We focus on our strengths, on areas where we excel.
What is something that you can do today with the skills that you have today? Where can you be of help? Even if it’s something small, apply yourself fully to that problem. Can you help the team tackle a hard problem by using some of your previous experiences? Do you have a skill no one else has? What’s your superpower? How can it contribute to the work that’s being done?
And if you get stuck or hit a dead-end, don’t freak out. Ask for help from peers or other people on your team. Everyone has a story of struggling with a hard problem for days only to have someone give them the answer in less than five minutes. Don’t suffer needlessly, it’ll only make your anxiety worse. You’re surrounded by people who want you to be successful. Have the humility to let others lift you up and support you in getting through your early days.
Focus on the people that you can help
You can be imperfect and still be an effective leader, because it’s not about you. We lead because leadership gives us a platform to lift up and help others. Why would a little imposter syndrome stop you from helping people? None of the people that need and want your help care that you’re young, or stutter, or get nervous, or whatever flaw you’re using to hold yourself back. The only question they’re asking is: “can this person help me?”
Are you able to set your insecurities aside long enough to make yourself useful? That’s the essential question that every leader has to answer. “Am I going to let self-doubt stop me from helping?” Your drive to be a part of something larger than yourself has to burn brighter than your anxieties. By focusing on ways you can enable others to achieve their best outcome, you’ll take your mind off of the self-doubts that are holding you back.
It’s okay to be uncomfortable and insecure as a manager. You have to learn to live with self-doubt. That nagging voice will never fully fade and your leadership career will be full of periods where you doubt yourself again. What matters is how you handle these crises of confidence. Do you succumb, letting your inner-demons win or do you work through these fallow periods, understanding that they’re a) miserable and b) temporary? Our lives are full of examples that the people that really matter to us accept us for who we are. If you’re in the right place, surrounded by the right people, they’re going to give you the slack you need while you learn and grow.
Good luck out there.
-Patrick
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