I recently answered this question on Reddit:
“I was promoted to management about six months ago. It’s all fine except I am so awkward! I’m about the same age or a little older than those I manage. I hate confronting people, especially the cliques. People definitely pick up on this awkwardness. Help!”
I love these types of questions because they’re the everyday management questions that sooo many people have but few people are willing to come out and ask. There are definitely ways to decrease and minimize your feeling of awkwardness in the workplace. But I want to address a deeper issue first.
Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is completely natural as someone that is young and early in management. It makes sense that you’d question whether or not management was for you because our commonly accepted perception of managers is that they’re the people that know what they’re doing! So if you look in the mirror every day and see someone awkward that doesn’t know what they’re doing and doesn’t like confronting people, naturally you’d have some concerns. And if you’re a Millennial (like me), you no doubt make this harder on yourself by having moments of crippling existential crises regarding every small mistake you’ve made over the past week.
It’s OK to be an awkward person and to be awkward as a manager. You can be your perfectly quirky self and still effectively lead people.
Every single person in a leadership role has awkward moments and finds themselves in awkward situations. It’s part of being a human on this planet, especially when part of your job is to be “on” so much of every day. The trick is, the people with experience learn to roll with the punches and shrug-off their moments of everyday weirdness.
Being a new manager means accepting that a lot of your learning is going to come from making mistakes. That’s the way of being a newbie, and that’s why so many of us quit doing things that we aren’t naturally gifted at. Making a bunch of mistakes and feeling uncomfortable is hard! Being awkward is awful! Unfortunately, it’s also a key part of getting better at any skill that requires experience to be proficient in.
You have to be yourself, even if “yourself” is imperfect and a little awkward. The only thing worse than being awkward and imperfect is being fake and inauthentic. People that try to wear someone else’s style are effectively holding a sign that says: “I’M INSECURE ABOUT MYSELF, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO NOT TAKE ME SERIOUSLY.”
If you’re willing to acknowledge that being “good” at management takes time and practice, then show the willingness to give yourself some grace on the bumpy parts of taking your first steps.
Ok ok ok, so if the above pep talk wasn’t enough, here are some practical tips for decreasing your awkwardness factor.
- Just keep moving. No matter what happened, no matter what you said, don’t dwell on it. Keep talking/presenting/joking/breathing. If you freeze-up, you’ll only magnify and highlight the awkward moment.
- Ask for feedback. If you’re really that worried about having done something devastatingly cringe-worthy, ask someone for feedback on what happened and what you can do better next time. If you feel like you learned from the situation, you’ll be less likely to repeat that particular bit of awkwardness.
- Forgive yourself. Say these words to yourself: “Wow, that was awful. But it’s ok, I’ll do better next time.”
If you have someone in your life that is a current or former manager, ask them about their early experiences managing people. I guarantee they have some horror stories that they can share with you and reflect back on with humor. Seeing that someone you know and respect survived the sharp edges of leadership should ease your anxieties some.
No one’s expecting you to be an out-of-the-box 10 out of 10 leader when you’re still getting things figured out. Be kind to yourself, keep learning and working hard and you’ll find that things will get better.
Good luck out there.
-Patrick